Donald Trump embarks on a whole new international disaster

Donald “Art of the Deal” Trump can do absolutely everything better than anybody. How do we know this? Just ask him. For instance, it’s too bad he wasn’t present during the shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School last year. According to Trump he would have rushed in and saved the day, even if he’d been unarmed. So when Donald Trump criticized British Prime Minister Theresa May by saying he could have done a better job negotiating Brexit than she’s done thus far, you can bet the British people sat up and took notice. After they managed to pick themselves up off the floor and stop laughing, of course.

“I think it [Brexit] could have been negotiated in a different manner,” Trump said, though in precisely what “manner” he meant he failed to say. But he criticized May’s negotiating performance while complimenting his own.

Needless to say, the British people are appropriately “impressed” by Donald Trump’s negotiating skills, what with his disgrace at Helsinki when he betrayed America to Putin, his double failure negotiating disarmament with Kim Jong Un, and his disastrous five week government shutdown over Christmas, a shutdown that impoverished workers, arguably contributed to the recent Boeing 737 MAX 8 crash and accomplished absolutely nothing positive. Yes, Britons haven’t seen the likes of Donald Trump since Neville Chamberlain.

Trump is in favor of Brexit for two reasons. First and most importantly because his puppet master Vladimir Putin wants him to be. But Trump would probably favor Brexit anyway because of a second reason: its proponents are staggeringly overrepresented by racists. Oh, and let us not forget while we’re in the neighborhood, Barack Obama opposed it.

Britons on both sides of the Brexit issue want Trump to jolly well keep his bloody (and not infrequently bloodied) nose out of the discussion. The vast majority of Britons hate Donald Trump and with good reason. He is so despised here one can open a conversation against him in a crowded room and seldom encounter opposition. There is no place for Donald Trump’s opinion here.

Perhaps Donald Trump can best spend his time explaining to the American people how much better he would have been at composing Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony than Beethoven – what with his two working ears and all – and stay the hell out of British politics, where he is out of his depth, over his head and emphatically not wanted.