Before the Republican Kremlin Klown Show begins in earnest on Tuesday, we think it’s time for a little levity. Sure, lawyers Dershowitz and Starr are going to argue that everything in the USA is unconstitutional except the lifetime dictatorship of Donald Trump, but hey, let’s talk instead about another pair of brilliant Trump worshippers, Robert Hyde and Anthony de Caluwe. One man is a walking forlorn hope of a galoot in his delusional attempt to run for Congress; the other is a citizen of the Netherlands who randomly may or may not be a member of the Trump Legitimate Businessman’s Club. But both of them dismiss their text messages about tracking the US Ambassador to Ukraine as simple drunken banter. Drunken banter that went on for days. For. Days.
They are now seeming to coordinate their story as – to quote Melania – “boy talk.” And because boys will be boys, even though one of them professes to be a Marine, and we’re pretty sure you have to be an adult to do that, they ask that we understand their rascally mischief. After all, who among us hasn’t drunkenly stalked the whereabouts of an American ambassador, magically knowing her cell phone and computer status as if Russia were listening?
Additionally, to distract from the enraging McConnell-on-Ice absurdities we’re going to have to deal with on Tuesday, it was just announced that the new uniforms for Trump’s Space Force are out. We think Hyde and de Caluwe should be the first to volunteer. These green camo uniforms, for some reason, look exactly like what Don Jr. might wear when he’s out hunting endangered animals in the woods. Jokes about the Forest Moon of Endor aside, the uniforms are emblematic of the entire Trump administration. Imagine passing one of these kitted-out service members in an airport. You think you’re thanking a National Guard or Army person for their service when you happen to read the insignia that says Space Force on their chest. Mel Brooks couldn’t make this more Trumpian if he tried.
After wondering where in space these guys are working that they need green camo, the next thing you gotta ask is what in the hell are they protecting? We strongly suspect the only space they’re protecting right now is the space between Trump’s ears because surely Mattis, Tillerson et al can attest to that being a vacuum. After all, why should Trump know about Pearl Harbor when that day is just one of 365 days a year of infamy in this administration?
Trump’s Space Force uniform roll out this weekend was the perfect emblem of all Trump’s put us through. We’ve got way more ahead of us and we know it’s hard, but it’s important to keep some semblance of a sense of humor. It’s good medicine. Plus, it never hurts to remember that in space, no one can hear you laugh.